Introvert

joshua:

wiloka:

mrfuel:

yoko:

So.... maybe I wasn't as direct as I should have been?! Me, Josh, Erik (and Windy) were expecting Buzznet to judge the battle! But no one really "buzz" their favorite one (vote). Erik and Josh were kind of upset and thought that there was favoritism towards mine, because everyone kind of figured out who's was who's??? This kind of PISSED ME OFF, I then called them babies and told them to host the pictires on their own sites, maybe get more people to look at the boards? But they declined! I was still mad! Josh was butthurt saying, "no one likes mine, dude" and, "so, what is the prize for winning??? We don't even get anything!!?"

I said, "You get RESPECT, bitch!!"

ahahah!

and THEN, Erik was all EMO because he wasn't happy with how his piece turned out. I was like, stop projecting on us!! If you aren't happy with your shit, you have no one to blame but yourself!

There was lots of DRAMA in the days proceeding the battle!! I think everyone was just overly sensitive. I said a lot of mean things........ which I don't really regret saying (HA HA HA), but I did feel bad (kinda).

At the party, everyone was too drunk or distracted to even pay attention to the boards....

Only ONE person acknowledged mine, but I was so touched!!! It was one of my best friends... he didn't even know it was mine-- he just pointed and said, "I like THAT one"

I jumped up and down (drunk) and said, "OMYGAWD! R U SERIOUS?! That is MINE!!! O MY GAWD!"

So, when thatmissgrace and markw, said they liked my board- I was STOKED!!!!

This is when I started feeling the backlash and freaking drama began with the others... I found myself having to defend myself by saying that people only liked it because they are a bunch of pervs and that they thought it was hentai...... I'm sorry, people... I did not mean to call you pervs, not in a bad way, at least..... NEWAYS! You can see my progress and how the blank deck same to be, here.

---

What took the others 3-days, took me 3-WEEKS.....

There were many contributing factors to the long process.... A look into how easily distracted I am:

As I googled "octopus", this sent me to WIKIPEDIA from there, I read about how octopus sometimes eat their own limbs... it is something called autophagy.

This then led me to cannibalism.

From there I read about Armin Meiwes. I then spent the next hour watching an Australian documentary about Armin on Youtube, called, "The Man Who Ate His Lover" ....

I was then heavily repulsed, but then continued reading about him....until I found, Issei Sagawa.

From there, I remember feeling very disturbed, but still curious... I then spent the next couple hours on CrimeLibrary.com

This was all because I was trying to find some pictures of octopus.... hahaha ah man..... I can't believe I did that... damned Wikipedia!!!!

NEWAYS, my Mom LOVED the boards and couldn't stop talking about them, so I guess that feels good :0)

(For sockmonkey)

I came across this last week

(I thought it was AMAZING!)

It reminded me of you- I forgot to share it with you.

I thought it might make you smile.

I'd like for you to smile, right now.

Love,

yoko

 

Zebra

http://www.ppp.org/prod/prods/00-03-eden/00-03-eden-costumes.html

"In the underground beneath the enormous metropolis of Shinjuku...."

From Murphy comes a series of links to a collection of photos of painted cardboard structures that the homeless lived in back in the 90's in the Shinjuku station. The site were we nicked them from has this description:

At the end of the 20th century In the underground beneath the enormous metropolis of Shinjuku.

There was a commune, an independent nation even, of people who lived their lives on the street.

Hundreds of cardboard houses grew up in the underground passageways of the west exit. On each of these houses were paintings. Mysterious and magical, they threw vivid colors of resistance out into space, a kaleidoscope of derisive laughter against the state.

A group of painters painted them. Leading the group was Take Junichiro, who is also the person who made this website. Once during the painting process Take was arrested and forced to spend 22 days in jail. The painting continued even after his arrest, but finally came to an end when the underground kingdom was destroyed in a huge fire.

After the fire, the authorities started reconstruction on the tunnels so that the homeless could never occupy them again. They succeeded in kicking the homeless out of the west exit underground.

This website was made to call attention to the paintings on the cardboard houses, and bring back to life the kingdom within a city that once was there but has now become nothing more than a phantom.

The works included here are only a small portion of all the works that were painted.

We didn’t photograph the works ourselves. We felt that the moment of life didn’t leave room for recording.

The photographs here are the work of photographer Sakokawa Naoko and others who sympathized with what we were doing. They generously gave their permission to use them.

We give them our deep thanks.

This wasn’t art that bowed to the system, nor did it have the weakness of finding authenticity only in its marginalization. This is why the work that sustained the cardboard art is so important and valuable.

Take Junichiro
(訳:Justin Jesty)

Orignially Posted by marc @ http://www.woostercollective.com/2006/11/in_the_underground_beneath_the_enormous.html

http://cardboard-house-painting.jp/mt/archives/cat2/index.php?page=all

---

This morning I woke up, not in the best spirits --I've been working on my board and having a very difficult time with the paint markers and particular medium. It is much harder than I anticipated. Whereas, I am very happy with the concept, the overall exectution is poor and not my best work. I am not sure I can make peace with it in the next 48 hours. My trash talking was to motivate Josh to not slack off, but to do his best and for Erik to not "underestimate us", but DAMN! I am really EATIN' it now!!! This is definately NOT my best and now I may have to accept DEFEAT!!! GAH- I wish I hadn't joked around and talked so much. I wish my paint and materials worked out in my favor. I wish I had "practiced" more. I feel like the same as I do when I try to go to the gym after a long-ass period of not working out... I never go down in weight and I force myself to work out with the same intensity as I would, had I not stopped. Well- I am about to be SORE tomorrow!!

I saw these cardboard homes on http://www.woostercollective.com this morning and it touched me in a way I can't explain. The reason behind why they painted their homes... the spirit it captures... the message... the expression. It's all about the message- and having heart.

Please take the time to browse thru the link that was provided in the article, above. It is not in English, but just scroll down and look at the pictures.

I was really taken by this, this morning.

Enjoy, friends :0)

yoko

 

In my "Projects" Gallery, is a post dated a year ago.
I had called out Erik, a year ago!!! And we are JUST NOW getting started!!

I will unlock that Gallery when this is all done, but YAH-- I can't believe it was that long ago....... NEWAYS, to refresh your memory, I called out Erik to a battle (before I found out how dope an artist he is), I guess, just to determine skill-level and to see who could come harder, and of course, so I could say, "YOU GOT SERVED!!!!" :0P
ahhaha I wish it was that easy------

Joshua has decided to join ;0) and just recently, very last minute it's confirmed that Windy (wiloka) wants in,

the deadline is Nov. 11th

Josh has finished weeks ago, but has been re-working his board every week that goes by. He said he has finally made peace with his board. Erik has also finished and complained of problems with the clear-coat /laquer on his board.

We are all working on blank-wooden skateboards, but Erik had a slightly different (smaller) one, because he purchased his first.

This is a picture of the tracing paper I am preparing to draw the sketch on, before I transfer it to the board. Sometimes, I think I should have drawn it directly on the board, as I always have problems transferring my concept drawings to the actual medium (sketches always turn out better than actual piece).

I've actually already drawn the sketch on the board and as I had feared-- it is distorted!! And my scale and perspective is all jacked up. O well.....

The hardest part was trying to design / plan my concept drawing around that STUPID LOGO, which I had to go over at least 20x with white paint marker.

I also bought the wrong paint markers, some of which would not adhere to wood like they claim to! I ended up scratching off that paint with a razor blade and totally botched the surface!!!!!

Bascailly, my main frustration is learning how to use these paint markers....... Josh and Erik lended me their pens, but they are DRY (I have to borrow, because stores are not open). So, I have complications with my pens, paint that won't stick to the board, an F*cked up surface.... things are not going as planned.... my original idea for this board, I could not do, because of the LOGO........
The paint markers not working out for me, basically made me feel INCOMPETENT, like I can't draw.............. I actually CRIED I was so frustrated!!

NEWAYS, YAH I am learning to slowly let go. I am such a perfectionist (ANAL), working on this has really taught me that sometimes things just do NOT go the way you initially plan them and you have to just make due and improvise (I think a better word is- compromise). It's been really hard for me, but I am just trying to go with the flow, otherwise, I won't get anything done.

 

I am at a place right now, that I always seem to come back to. This leads me to believe that I am going in circles.

I am having a difficult time trying to 1- Figure out what I am supposed to do, during my existance here on Earth and 2- Learn and realize what it feels like to be Human.

I have so many questions, but no one seems to have answers. Does this mean I must turn to a higher power?

Where do these answers exist? Am I asking questions that have no answers?

I want to know what my purpose is? What is the objective to be accomplished in life?

Am I merely here to survive?

Am I supposed to reproduce?

If the World is supposedly filled with people like me, why do I still feel alienated most times?

Am I too "sensitive?" I always thought it was just that people around me are not sensitive enough.

I feel like I live in a society that only gives a fuck about themselves...

"Just tell her I talk to everyone that way when I'm drunk, and that I'm constantly drunk." -Joshua

So, around 8am this morning, it was already in the 90s... that is not good.
Last night (Saturday) it was 113F. Went to my cousin's babies' baptism (hot church, babies crying) in Chico, CA. =HOT. My Uncle said it reaches 130F in Kuwait.

I am going to frikken Walmart right now to go buy 2 fans. My fish tanks are reading 100F. 80F is considered their "Ideal". Poor guys. If it is 100F in WATER, how hot is the ambient air? UM HAHA *whimper*  

Had a hard time sleeping last night.

It's hot as hell up here in the Valley.

Saw this just now, made me say, "Wow"

CAR DUST, PEOPLE!!!!

http://www.woostercollective.com/2006/07/amazing_car_dust_art.html

 

I wonder if it's the same guy

http://yoko.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=56282&p=10

http://www.legacy.com/latimes/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=18303911

 

 

I don't really know what to say. Actually, I have a lot to say, but I am so sad.

And I don't know if it's too late to say it

----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike & Vanessa Ignacio"
To: **************
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2006 10:30 PM
Subject: re: Robin


> Just wanted to let you know that Robin passed away on June 29th at 1:20pm.
> Her tumor burst a week ago and yesterday she went into a coma. I won't be
> able to make the funeral on Monday because of my little ones but my mom is
> going to L.A. on Saturday. Anyway I thought you guys should know.
>
>
> Vanessa
>
>

I have 15 voicemails (last time I checked) from as far back as February, that I have not yet listened to and don't intend to anytime soon. I treat people I love like email I don't want to read or reply to.

It's not so much that I want someone to listen to me, but to understand- to relate.

But most times I don't want to talk.

I have a brother that I love to death, but doesn't have an idea as to what is going on with me. He has to read my online journal to decipher what is going on with me on a daily basis. It breaks my heart.

I have friends that love me, but I ignore, because I can't reach out and I don't want them to know how I'm doing, yet I want someone to understand what it is I am feeling. I can only cry, like right now.

I just received a text message from Dr. Lucas telling me that my No. 1 Fighter has "slipt under" from a bad reaction to the medicing and he won't wake up. He went in to get treatment for the Cancer that was once in his spine- it moved to his left shoulder thru his blood. He was worried before he went in- that I wouldn't be around, if something were to happen. I am to be 400 miles away tomorrow with Josh, a place I have not been in a long time...

Everyone says the same things... everyone has just watched from afar. I am living with it everyday. I have to look at it in the face, everyday. It is the most painful thing I have ever felt in my life. I can't imagine what I would do if Josh had Cancer or one of my parents.

 

Why?????? I have a cousin named Robyn. She was diagnosed with Cancer at 17 years old. At 17 years old, she had her uterus removed... WHY???? that was almost 2 years ago, and now the Cancer has infested her intestines, colon, kidneys???? That is all of her insides...... WHY?????? She didn't even get to go to college!!!!!

I am so angry... I am so tired of being angry----- when I am not yelling, I am quietly screaming inside. And I just wish someone would understand what the fuck I am feeling, you know??? I want to say I wish you knew how I feel, but that would mean I was wishing something ill on others and I don't want that at all-- I just wish someone could KNOW what I am feeling and not just feel sorry for me or tell me "it will all come to pass" or some uplifting bullshit like that. I have never had to deal with Cancer in my face like this. I have heard of distant relatives or classmate's parents or someone very detached from me, but never have I had to look it in the face, every day.

Now I have to find a way to the hospital. The Dr. just text me again. He confirmed that he is in a minor coma and that he may need to hear my voice to come back.

 

It's not gone.

I am crying. I am fucking angry, but I am also so torn inside.

I don't know what to do

I just wanted to thank you all. Those that have shared their thoughts and kind words and those that have read and remained silent. I wanted to write something to let you know that your words have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. I am very thankful for all of you. Right now, I want to write about how I am feeling and what I have been feeling in the past year as it's theraputic for me, but I'm short on time- I have important things to take care of right now..... I cannot thank you enough.

Love,

yoko

What is it you do

When your No. 1 Fighter-

Is getting tired?

sklurbzzz........... MANY instances I wished I could call you on the way home from work to talk to you, but never had I wanted to pick up and call you as badly as I did, right now.

I just got home from a long, tiring day at work. Treated myself to 2 corndogs for dinner, we get home and my brother joshua says, "Hey boops you got a package!" *sounding surprised* "What is it? Is it a stalker?" *har har* "UH NO- I think it's from my friend!!!!" *happy dance*

 

I loved your note and the stickers on the package..... It took me so long to open it, I thought I was going to die. You taped it so well and I couldn't find my exact-o knife and no scissors, I was totally freakin out!!! Finally found a dull pair of scissors....

 

When I opened it *pause*

My mouth just fell wide open and sat there speechless. I have never, in my life, ever received anything so beautiful in my life-or anything that meant more to me than THIS.

You don't know how badly I want to photograph it and post it up here, but poor lighting in my room and it is comming out blurry. I cannot wait for this weekend, maybe some sun I want to photo it in the sun----- it is so beautiful, I don't know what imperfections you are talking about!! I was so scared, it will break, it is so fragile :0( I want to display it, but am still thinking of a way to do that, since it's so delicate----- I am wild about it. I love the colors and the texture and it is so 3-d~!!! That TOP FIN= OUTSTANDING. I can't believe this.... I am rackin' my brain, tryin to think of how I can take care of this so that I don't break it. I'm makin white hairs right now :0o and the bracelet---------- tell the boy I am overwhelmed. Well, tell him that I am crazy about it. I love you two, I really do. Kiss him on the forehead for me. You two are angels.......................*breathes* *WHEW* OHH I can't even describe how touched I am, or how impressed I am by your guys' skillZ------ :0o

 

Thank You-- SO MUCH. I want to give you bear hug.

Well, it's official-

Buzznet isn't big enough

For the four of us.

 

(Me, you and your girlfriend's tits).

It's my Dad's 48th Birthday today.

I didn't get him anything. I just popped him some pop-corn, hahaha

I think I'll make him something this weekend.

Is that right? Is that the story about the little girl who caught some kind of scarlet fever and the Rabbit had to be burned in order to quarantine? If so, then someone please burn me and my sheets. This cold is kicking my ass. That story always made me sad, burned and replaced by plush and glass eyes. I hope one day I can be free.

My Life's a Circus

Tix sold out- I am the Freak

Mini-skirts & zits